Why We All Gotta Be Single?

Like most of you, I love a good girlfriend story. I love watching shows about Black Women living their best lavish, luxurious lives. I mean, can we talk about the impact Insecure, Girlfriends, Run The World, and Harlem have had on our lives and perception of black women in major cities? I love all of the fashion, of course, the character development, the DRAMA, and everything in between. The common thread all of these shows have is the underlying message of your girlfriend being your soulmate. I mean we all saw Issa end up with Lawerence, but we really were rooting for Issa and Molly to get their shit together, cause we didn't want to see them go out like that. There is nothing like having a supportive, loving sister circle that uplifts you, holds you accountable, and most importantly rides for you. With all that said, am I the only one that notices most of these shows centered around celebrating black women have an alternative message, that we can’t keep nor want healthy, loving thriving romantic relationships?

With the exception of Insecure, shout out to Issa Rae, all of the above-mentioned shows, most or all of the women end up single. And before yall come for me, I’m not saying there is anything wrong with being single, but what I am saying is why is that the narrative painted for all of us? While our white and latina counterparts are in loving “fairytale” romances. (well at least on screen, but yall get where I am going with this) Why is it that we, Black women have to be single to thrive or live our best life? Why does our decision to not have children or not have a traditional job deem us unfit for a relationship, while it’s painted as the fairytale ending for us? Where is our black prince charming who is willing to grow with us? Where is the version of married life, where Black women are living their best lives while being mothers and career women? What about married couples who are still young with no children and enjoy that? Where is the representation? 

A lot of times we are so unaware of the subliminal messaging we are getting from the things we consume whether it, is music, tv, social media, and don't get me started on the podcasts lol. A lot of yall are not going to like this next comment so go ahead and close that laptop or exit out of the screen, I am not a fan of Diddy and Caresha. Is that our fairytale ending? Yea having fun and money and all the things seems great, but do you have a partner? A true rider, someone who will not tek you fi ah idiot? Don’t get me wrong the young, 20 something even early 30 something year old Krystal would have thought they were so cute, but this version of me, not so much.

I want us to have a variety of messages to choose to subscribe to. There is nothing wrong with being a single black female, ( I won’t insert the Kanye lyric, but I was tempted lol) trust me I thoroughly enjoyed my singleness. I just want us to have it all. I want to see the single baddie living her best life, the girlfriend who is happy in her new relationship, the newly wed who never lost her groove because she now has a ring on her finger, the mom who can still hang out with the girl because she has the support of her tribe. I want to see the alternative of leaving a relationship to find yourself and happiness. I want to see that happen in the midst of a healthy one. I want to see all the versions of us that don’t confine us to a box of the expected.


Drop a comment and tell me if I'm buggin. But like Why We ALL gotta be single???


Krystal A Phillips


  • Sooo true!! I have noticed that as well!! All these shows are kind of expected before even watching them. I long to see a show that has a married family with kids, balance career and family/friends and express more faith. There can still be drama but not relationship messy drama. It’s probably out there, but need to do some digging haha.

    Rakiyah W.
  • Love this and totally agree!! I’m tired of the narrative and subliminal messaging. I would love to see more variety in these shows. I too agree with you about Diddy and Caresha. #hotmessexpress

    Tangela Adams

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